Outlet

I remember keeping a diary of the ups and downs of a teenager while growing up in the U.S. Many of my entries recorded my frustrations. I recall being chronically unhappy, but in retrospect it was good that I had related my blues to someone I could trust wholeheartedly--my diary. Not only did it give me an outlet, it also gave me something to reflect on, and I had probably learned a few lessons from this whole experience. After all, disappointments and failures are a part of life, and I have to realize this early on and learn from them.

Lately, I haven't been very happy. In fact, I am not satisfied with how I live my life. And when I recall the emaciated southern Sudanese man who held onto the crowded army truck despite being stranded in the flooded Abyieh region (a refugee camp)--a man who had lost so much and looked too frail to survive--I feel ashamed of myself. He appeared weak, and yet his determination to go beyond the trials and tribulations of a refugee and live to his life's end revealed an impressive inner strength.

I have many things that he didn't--I have never had to lose a loved one because of war; I have never had to leave my home and forgo the daily comforts that I once took granted; I have never had to live a day with fear, not knowing how I will cope come next day. I have so many possessions that more than a third of the world's children and even adults will probably never get to have because of developments totally beyond their control. I have been blessed with a good education. I have been blessed to have been able to visit so many countries at the age of 25, and to have studied in 3 different continents, not having to work my ass off like Said, Niyazi, Inour and in the end only earning enough to get by.

And when I think of all this, I realise how foolish I have been today. What little disappointments I felt this day cannot compare with those faced by Palestinians, Sudanese, Lebanese, Egyptians, Ethiopians, Somalis, Yemenis, Iranians, Pakistanis, Indians, Syrians, Libyans, Tunisians, Moroccans, Djiboutians, Iraqis, Afghans, on a daily basis.

Looking back, I see how pointless my anger and sadness have been. Just because my efforts and hard work are regarded as worthless or trivial by others, doesn't mean I have to give up, be resentful and stay put. To do so would only prove to others that I do not have what it takes to be respected and applauded. I need to demonstrate to others that I, too, can accomplish something beyond the college and master's degrees from Berkeley and Oxford.

So, I will shut up for now, and will look to tomorrow with the same passion and excitement I felt when I woke up.

Al-Hamdulilah